What to look for in a long distance relationship app

Start with what you miss

Apps for long distance couples tend to do one of three jobs. Some handle the logistics: shared calendars, a clock for the other time zone, a countdown to the next visit. Some give you a sense of presence: a photo widget on the home screen, a tap that buzzes the other phone. And some give you something to talk about: questions, games and small rituals.

Ask yourselves which one is missing. If you never know when the other is free, get a shared calendar. If the calls have started to feel like a weekly report, you need the third kind.

Look for something small to do every day

Distance is hardest in the quiet days between calls. The most useful thing an app can give you is a small daily habit that takes two minutes and still says something about your day.

A daily question does that well. You both answer the same one, on your own, and you see each other’s answers together. It works on a bad day, and it gives the next call a place to start.

Check it works across time zones

If you live hours apart, check what the app does with your day. Does the question change at midnight for one of you and midday for the other? Do answers open at a time that suits you both? An app made for couples in the same house often isn’t made for two clocks.

Make sure you both get the same thing

It sounds obvious, but check that the app works on both of your phones, iPhone and Android, and that the part you care about isn’t only in the paid plan for one of you. A ritual only works if neither of you is locked out of it.

Games you can play on a call

Talking is not the only way to spend an evening. Look for games for two that work on two phones in two places: a compatibility quiz, a guessing game about each other, would you rather. They give the call a shape and make you laugh, which a catch-up rarely does.

How Talk Deep does it

Talk Deep’s Connect is a daily question for two. Invite your partner with a link and each day you both get the same question. Some ask for a few words, some for a number from 1 to 10, a pick from four or a photo. Answers stay closed until you’ve both answered, then open together at 8 pm, set by the time zone of whoever sent the invite. Your streak counts the days in a row, and you can react to each other’s answers.

For your calls there are question decks, including one for long distance, and games for two phones: In Sync shows where you match on money, family, home and the future, and Know Me Better tests how well you know each other. A few questions from the daily set:

1. 1What happened today that you’d have texted me about if you’d had time?
2. 2How full is your tank right now? (1: running on empty, 10: overflowing)
3. 3Which of these do we need more of: slow mornings, a proper night out, time apart or a plan for the year?
4. 4What’s one thing you’d like us to do before the month is out?
5. 5Which song is ours, even if we never agreed on it?

The daily question is free on iPhone and Android, and it works with a friend or a parent far away too.

What to watch out for

An app that tries to do everything can turn into another feed you feel guilty about not checking. Pick one or two things you’ll really use.

And check who sees what. Your answers to each other should be for the two of you, not a profile anyone can browse.